


The Void

by TaraLaurel1



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Depression, F/M, Gen, Hurt, Loss, Love, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-05
Updated: 2014-02-05
Packaged: 2018-01-11 07:05:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 685
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1170120
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TaraLaurel1/pseuds/TaraLaurel1
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>oneshot. At the end of the series, after the battle & they're all looking back at the destroyed Sunnydale. Instead of being happy about winning the fight, Buffy can't seem to get her mind or heart off of something else, something that could still kill her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Void

" _I love you"_

" _No you don't, but thanks for saying it."_

Buffy stood there, amidst her wounded, but triumphant comrades. So many girls had perished, so many friends. They had faced, fought and defeated nearly hell itself. Some of those beside her mourned for the ones lost in battle. Others rejoiced for their victory. Still others looked ahead to the future, marveling at what they are to do next. As she gazed at the destroyed void of a city that was once her home, she could not bring herself to think on any of those subjects. All that rang through her head were those last words from the man she had believed she had loved.

" _No you don't, but thanks for saying it."_

Had it been true? Had she merely imagined this affection or conjured it out of the heat of so many battles and impassioned moments? She could no longer tell the difference. They had fought like fierce cats and dogs, had attempted to kill each other on numerous occasions. They were as dissimilar as oil and water, fire and ice, but yet, there was something there. Over time, the two formed the most unique bond. Sure, their relationship was shaky, on and off again, and unpredictable, but their bond was not. They fought and killed for each other. They would have died for each other. Still, he had said those things to her. Still, he had chosen to leave her. He had saved the world, yes, but could there have been another way? Could they have searched deeper?

Her head was spinning with thoughts and emotions. He had saved the world, maybe for her. Of course, she knew that pain. She had hurled herself into a void, unknowing of where she would find herself, but aware that death was sure to come. She had done it to save her sister from committing the same act, or had she? Had she truly sacrificed herself for her sister out of love, or was it for mankind, out of responsibility, habit, desperation? She didn't know anymore.

Those few words spoken by a man she now thought to be dead had sparked a debate inside of her head and heart that she imagined just might destroy her.

Had she ever truly known love? Had she ever truly loved someone or received love from another?

She had let Angel walk away. She could've fought for his love more than simply a few intense arguments worth.

She had allowed her own mother to perish. She was too preoccupied with her destiny to second guess the tests, the doctors, to notice anything.

Everyone she had ever loved, betrayed or left her. The fact finally sank in. She had thought and verbalized these feelings before, but never had they hit her this hard.

Was she capable of love? Earlier she had addressed this. Earlier she had imagined her fate, her duties, her powers, would turn into cold, stone, inept of love. These questions were put to rest by her friends, but she wondered now, had she been true initially?

When her best friend became consumed with power and became malevolent, she was unable to reach her, unable to bring her back. Had that been due to lack of love?

Even Riley, the finally one normal man she could be with, abandoned her.

Sure, there was extenuating and various circumstances to each and every one of these situations that had taken place in her life, but the common factor continued to remain; her. There was something wrong with her.

With the hell mouth gone and the world saved for now, she suddenly felt this overbearing void deep inside of her that caused all of her breath to escape her. Even with all of her superhuman strength, she wanted nothing more than to collapse from the heaviness of this emptiness. Was it her destiny all along that kept her going, not love?

Contemplating all of these things and more, Buffy continued to stare out into the abyss, slowly feeling the hard shell forming around her, the cold, heartless, rock she had finally become.

 


End file.
